Our next spotlight in the FACES OF HOPE: WE DO RECOVER series will focus on Aisian Lucas’s story, Completely Restored.
My name is Aisian Lucas, my sobriety date is October 29, 2014. I spent eight and a half long, miserable years in my addiction. This is my story.
Growing up, I lived with my younger sister and my mother, who is also an addict. Back then, I didn’t know she was an addict, but I should have had a good indication from her actions. Don’t get me wrong, my mother was the best mom she knew how to be, and I understand that today. Motherhood took my mother over the edge in her addiction I believe, and there was a period I didn’t see her for almost two years. At the age of thirteen, my sister being ten years old, social services removed me from the only home I had ever known, and from my mother and sister. My sister went to live with her father’s family and I went to live with my aunt and grandma. I think that was one of the most traumatic things I have ever dealt with in my life. The fact that I had took part, at an early age, in raising my sister, and now we were separated. I went from having complete freedom and fending for myself to a strict set of rules from my aunt, and it was hard for me to adjust.
I always knew I was different, I always felt less than, or just felt like I was the outcast. While kids would be partying, I found my escape in books. I read to escape reality and pain. I didn’t want to think about what was going on, so I read to pretend to be someone else and live someone else’s live other than my own. I would go home of an evening and drown myself in homework or books until I fell asleep to ease my mind for years.
I did well in high school. I was the role model student; decent grades, nice and polite, but inside I would be screaming. I found myself many days contemplating suicide. I wondered for years how my mom could leave me and my sister, why she wouldn’t get better. I even remember standing in front her one time, and speaking the words, “I’ll never be like you!” I wondered why I didn’t fit in with the other girls, my mind raced daily of every question imaginable.
I ended up graduating, and going on to college. I was in my second semester when I had met this guy and a new group of friends. That was the end of my normal life. They were always partying, never seeming to care about anything. I wanted so badly not to care, to just let go. I found myself at the age of 18 trying pain pills for the first time. Little did I know, it would be many years before I could go a day without them.
The moment I felt the effect of the pain pills was the moment I handed over my life to them. I found myself dropping out of school, doing whatever it took to feed my habit. I stole, I lied, I cheated, and I lost respect from anyone I had ever known. I could go on and on about the things I did for drugs, but let’s face it, we don’t have that time. All I knew, was that I was no longer the person my aunt raised, I was no longer the Aisian that was loving and caring. I was now bitter, cold, and dead inside. It never occurred to me to quit doing the pills, because the sickness would be too much to bear, and I didn’t want to face the realities of life.
As time passed, I started using IV. That made things so much worse, it put my addiction on steroids. I would wake up every day like it was my job, get ready and go into a store to steal things, to later trade for dope every single day for a year. Luckily, I got caught. That still didn’t stop me, I would be out on bond and do it again. I got three different shoplifting charges and, lucky for me, in the state of WV, that’s a felony. I had stood in front of the same judge three different times, and the last time I went in front him he had enough.
Today I know that meeting that judge was ordained from God. He was fed up with me, but he also saw something in me that I didn’t see in myself. He told me that he wasn’t going to let me kill myself, and sentenced me to three years in prison. I had sat in jail for four months when he called me back to court on a reconsideration. He told me that he would let me try treatment, but his condition was that I go to a faith based program. Lucky for me, the judge was a member of Christ Temple, and saw the beauty within Karen’s Place. I entered treatment at Beth’s Blessing in February 2015, in Annville, KY.
Those four months I sat in jail, I believe I hit my rock bottom. I knew I wanted change, and I couldn’t live that kind of life anymore. I was ready to learn how to live without drugs. When I entered treatment, I went and was hopeful for the first time in years. Everything they taught me I held onto as if my life depended on it, because I knew it did. At the facility, out in middle of nowhere, I accepted God into my life, and when I did it was like a whirlwind. I held onto the hope that I couldn’t help myself, and I had to let something stronger than me save me. God sure did that, and when He showed up in my life He sure showed out. It was a feeling I had never felt before, and I’ve stayed close since.
When I completed treatment I came home, and did what I knew to do, go to church. God had the rest. A couple girls approached me at that church with an idea of a ministry, and from there we ran with it. Today, at that same ministry, we get to see chains broken and souls saved weekly. I now work for the same company where I went through treatment. I am a wife today, I am a mother, and I have been completely restored.
My aHa moment
I was sitting in a jail cell, and I was twenty six years old. I had nothing of my own, not even my child. I knew in my heart I was meant for so much more, and knew I had been given a second chance at life.
Feelings and emotions in active addiction
I felt as if I was existing, not living at all. I was always hopeless, and never felt good enough. I was dead inside.
The driving force that keeps me going when times get tough
My faith above all. I know that if God can save someone like me when I was in my addiction, that He can save anyone. I have people that look up to me today and people that count on me, one being my daughter. A scripture that helps me a lot in times of confusion is John 13:7 “You do not understand what I am doing now, but later you will understand.”
Advice for the addict still struggling
That there is hope. No matter what you did, no matter how bad you think you have messed up, there is hope.
What obstacles or roadblocks have you faced in your recovery?
About six months ago someone very close to me relapsed. I was devastated, and couldn’t understand how I was supposed to deal with it. I had to pray a long time, and slowly it got easier. I blamed myself, because I couldn’t help him, and put the blame on myself. Today, I know that it wasn’t my fault.
What advice do you have for a family member of a person in addiction?
Never give up on them. Had I not had someone to have faith in me, when I didn’t in myself, who knows where I’d be.
There is hope. There is help.