A Man For All Seasons
John Butch Preston
y name is Ted. And I am running for president. I have no party affiliation and I’m not running as an independent, they never win anyway. Just call it the Ted Ticket.
My platform is: A new American Continent—in which I think I can solve most of our problems, beginning with immigration. But first of all, we must re-define the word Americans. Our pledge of allegiance states that we are the United States of America, which obviously means that the U.S. is not America in its entirety but only a part of it.
America extends from northern Canada to the southern tip of Argentina. This of course includes the Central American countries that are primarily involved in the immigration issue. These people do not really want to come here; they hate having to flee their homes and the land they know and love. But they are forced to immigrate because of hunger, joblessness, violence and other factors.
The economies of these countries are based on their year-round growing season, which sounds like a great advantage until you stop and consider that mangos and bananas are the cheapest things you can buy at the grocery store. If these immigrants are deemed cheap labor in the U. S., just imagine their paltry wages in their own countries. To walk a thousand miles with small children to get to the U.S. border is a desperate move, and to deal with this influx here is a staggering problem for our government.
This is why as President I will initiate what I call the North and Central American Economic Alliance. It will be a business compact bringing together all the aforementioned countries under a nationalized industrial agreement. It won’t be easy to form this organization, but great master plans never were—they cannot be created nor planned but must be allowed to evolve, by education, organization, and discipline.
The enterprise will consist of hundreds of small, interconnecting shops located in the most depressed areas of the countries involved, including the U.S. and Canada. It is more humane to work in small groups, which, indeed, has been proven to be much more economical. The smart move would be to manufacture future needed products such as solar panels and other energy saving devices, which require minimum labor skills.
But this decision will rest with the select independent agencies from each country—with no formal centralization except for a roving board of commissioners overseeing the entire operation. Certainly, the twenty-five billion our current president wants to spend on a useless wall will go a long way in setting up this project. And in order to include South America, it would be required that all raw materials come from those countries
Thusly, we would have an entire continent joined as one—The United Countries of America. The American continent would then be the economic power of the world—a solid entity facing both the Pacific and the Atlantic.
Despite the fact that capitalism—whose sole purpose is more and more consumption— is eating the world alive, this economic alliance must reluctantly contribute to this present reality—as long as the present exists. Millions of lives depend on it.
I will also be working on Kim Jung-il, inviting him to Disney Land, appealing to his inner child. It would be the “Christian” way to begin solving this standoff. Certainly, I will have a busy eight years, especially reversing the current administrations environmental polices. But I will rely on time-honored advice to accomplish all this: Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and all these things shall be added to you.
But here’s one important thing the voting public needs to consider about all the people I’m running against: I know most of my competitors in this race don’t believe in the Devil, but I’m here to tell you that the Devil is one of the nicest persons you’ll ever want to meet; butter won’t melt in his mouth—UNTIL HE TURNS ON YOU…. So be fully warned when you go to vote for your favorite candidate or favorite president.
Vote for Ted—Instead. And go to johnhprestonauthor.com